How can I support my neurodivergent child with their experiences of school?

EPIC Think Learn are currently running a programme of activities focused on supporting parents of neurodivergent children and teenagers with school. Many parents are quietly facing a really difficult challenge right now. A child or teenager who doesn’t want to go to school. Not because they’re lazy. Not because they’re defiant. But because something about school feels overwhelming, unsafe, or distressing. This experience is commonly referred to as Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA).

We have been busy developing resources on this topic and have released a number of infographics with strategies to support parents in their communication with school. You can access these free to view or download resources here: https://epicthinklearn.com/resources-optin/

EPIC Think Learn members spend much of their time doing research with neurodivergent children, their parents, teachers and clinicians. We also regularly blog about other academics research that has relevance to supporting neurodivergent children and young people. On Monday we will publish a blog post about recent research on supporting children and teenagers who have been avoiding school. In the meantime here is a reminder of a blog post we published last year about a research study that looked at the experiences teenagers with ADHD have of school.

This post was written by Āine Singleton on a placement as part of the MSc in Science Communication at the University of Edinburgh

“How was school?”

“Fine.”

That all too familiar conversation takes place in homes all over the world daily. But what if we could dig a bit deeper? A recent study has explored the first hand experiences of teenage girls with ADHD in secondary schools.

Although the focus is often on their grades, looking beyond those, we can see the thinking skill (known as executive function) difficulties that impact every bit of school life. These include forgetfulness and difficulties with focus and organisation and are described in more detail in a previous EPIC Think Learn blog post.

“Why would I forget a textbook every lesson? Like, there’s no point to that…Why would anybody want to do that?” [teen girl with ADHD]

Losing track of time is another common occurrence. Girls said this often left them feeling lost in lessons, unsure of what has gone on or where things are going.

Overall this left them feeling “a bit trapped” and that school was “like an itch”.

ADHD is not a lack of effort, it is a real struggle. Many girls said they felt misunderstood – labelled as careless or lazy when this was not the case.

With nowhere else for their extra energy, they start to move or fidget. Movement is a normal need for all children, but for those with ADHD, it can be wrongfully labeled as disruptive.

Masking is another common trait in neurodivergent girls. This is when someone tries to hide their neurodivergent traits to seem more like their neurotypical peers, perhaps to avoid bullying or being treated differently. Masking is much more common in neurodivergent girls than boys. One girl in this study said she experienced “bullying because I was smart” but also felt “stupid asking for help [so] I never have since.”. She was in a lose-lose scenario. Some girls said that once they had a neurodevelopmental diagnosis, they got a negative reaction, even from teachers. This often led to a cycle of hiding or masking more

“If other people found out…maybe they’d have another thing to bully.

Several girls in this study said that they felt like nobody understood or listened to them. This made self-advocacy -(speaking up for their needs)-super important  However, some girls did express that they felt confident speaking up , so what made the difference? The Answer? Self acceptance .

Having ADHD affected the way girls saw themselves. One girl said

“ If I didn’t have it anymore, I don’t know, it’d worry me because it’d be a bit weird…I wouldn’t be like me, so I wouldn’t really know who I was anymore

However, it takes time, for girls to understand the diagnosis and then accept it without shame.

“It is helpful because then I don’t stress myself that… Oh, because it’s my ADHD let me just get a colouring book or something, it’s my ADHD that’s distracting me, I need to calm down, relax, whatever.”

These girls’ stories emphasise the need to  listen to children and young people – and not rely on assumptions or stereotypes. By helping them to better understand their own unique experiences, they can be equipped with the tools and support they need to thrive.

Want to know more? Here are some of our related blog posts

Difference in boys and girls https://epicthinklearn.com/autistic-boys-girls-behaviour-differences/

Supporting sensory needs https://epicthinklearn.com/how-can-i-support-my-childs-sensory-needs/